I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
