i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
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i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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