My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
