I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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