i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
