I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
