U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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