wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
