I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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