I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
