so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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