you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
