He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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