Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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