I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
