we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
