somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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