We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
