She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
