He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
