i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
