Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
