Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
