keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
