Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
