My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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