dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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