you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
