So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
a search helicopter?!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
