you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
