God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
