This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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