Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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