so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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