I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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