Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Randomize
