guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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