we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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