I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
