my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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