My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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