dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
