By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
