a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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