Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
