He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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