woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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