Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we're making bets on your personal life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
