I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
