did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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