So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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