Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Randomize
