my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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