John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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