dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
