just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Randomize
