she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
