that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
