do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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