and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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