how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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