College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
