dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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