There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
