Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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