i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
