my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
