I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
