Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
